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  • Writer's pictureGraeme Salvetti

What is Love? Where is it? and most importantly... How do I get it?

Updated: Jul 13, 2022

Self Love

A few thoughts from me on this auspicious day of love.

On this internationally scheduled day of love the ‘usual’ thing to do is to bring our focus to those that we love, what we love and enjoy about them and our interactions with each other. I’d like to steal your attention away for a moment and invite you to slow down, close your eyes and bring your attention to the one person that has always been there for you. You.

What is it to be loved by own our own heart and how does that differ in feeling and functionality to being loved by another?

The juicy and warming experience of being loved by another, to see the look of acceptance, adoration and love within their eyes is one of the most exhilarating the universe has to offer. To let that permeate our heart, our body and our soul even for a moment can be life changing and transcendental. Oh the things we do in order to place ourselves in the path of such moments.... let’s pause and glance at what in some instances may be the cost to ourselves, that which we trade for such experiences. This can be our time, our bodies, our trust, our loyalty, our love or even our potential future.

There can be absolutely no judgment on anyone’s decisions when it comes to experiencing love for ourselves. It is our birthright and we are all deserved of feeling this deep fulfilment, joy and connection within love. With such amazing experiences to be had with another it’s no wonder why we fear losing it so much. If being with someone else is the only known source of such moments, what would our lives be like if we were to leave a relationship, a marriage or an intimate friendship? Once you’ve experienced it, it’s difficult to forget and can be extremely hard to make a conscious choice to let it go from your current day to day life or maybe endure the unfortunate experience of having it torn away by another or by circumstance.

This fear can be at the very heart of the reasons why people stay within committed relating structures far beyond their natural expiry date. There can come a point when an impasse to the natural evolution of the individuals together develops and this threatens the growth and expression of one, both or all of the people involved within the committed dynamic.

Is it worth trading aspects of yourself for the experience of being loved? What if the balance of receiving love can be shifted more to your favour without needing it from external sources? Would that change the current possibilities of your choices?

Most of us have been kept in the dark to a point when it comes to being shown all the possible sources of receiving deep unconditional love. We have been continually exposed since childhood to the notion that we need someone else to complete us, to create a fulfilling life together which will ultimately lead to our own sense of happiness and contentment. This concept of togetherness and what it can provide has its merits. If both individuals can work smoothly together and provide each other with exactly what the other needs than it can and does work.

But what happens for whatever reason when we’re not able to provide the other with what they need? And what happens when our beloved stops giving us what we have relied on to feel special and loved? What then...

Within each of us is the source of all of these emotions, feelings and experiences we encounter with each other. When we think of our beloved and our heart springs to life and starts to race..It’s not them that have caused this within our own bodies. It is ‘our’ heart that is deliciously swimming in the memories and ideas and future encounters with our beloved. This is proof enough that you have to capacity to propagate, nurture and allow these feelings to flourish throughout your body. All that is needed to experience this is to turn your focus inward and allow yourself to fall in love with who you are. It’s not commonly taught while growing up and it’s so sorely needed within teenagers and adults to cultivate fulfilling lives. The more we can own and feed ourselves, the less expectations we have on the outside world to deliver. It's not anyone else's job to love you and make you feel safe.

I believe the most worthy pursuit one can make is to 'be' self sufficient within each of our selves. To have our own flourishing sense of love, esteem, worthiness, passion, purpose, sexuality, romance, solidness, flexibility and clarity on what our essence is at our foundational level. This journey can be quite difficult at times as it has the potential to show up any areas that need watering and nurturing within and you may catch a glimpse of what you have done in the past to receive this. It is a path of transparency, authenticity and ownership.

A healthy check in to do for yourself is to ask, "What is it that I expect a primary partner or any other person I choose in my life to provide me with?"

Whatever you come up with, time, love, respect, touch, appreciation...reflect on the presence and accessibility you have of this within yourself. I invite you to take this deeper inside you and check in to see what you can cultivate within your own heart and being.

All of this can be done while still being in a healthy relationship, marriage or any other committed relating style. Relating with others within these styles becomes even more delicious, deep and blissfully transcendental when we can enter a moment already feeling full inside, with a clean sense of consent and unconditional giving and receiving without expectation or need from another.

A moment of shared abundance and pure enjoyment of the shared experience.

Much love to you and your being.

Graeme Salvetti

Embodiment Coach

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